I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
