yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
