He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
