I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
