I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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