she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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