I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
