Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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