At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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