Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
