david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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