when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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