now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
