You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
