she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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