You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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