and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
