You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
