no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
