you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
