were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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