M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
