You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
