i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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