she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
this will be a night to untag.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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