it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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