the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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