she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
