weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
