piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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