Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
