So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
