I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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