No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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