she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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