and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
