i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
