Ambien. No doubt about it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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