I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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