Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
