im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
