I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
