I don't remember. Are we still dating?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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