Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
