I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
