can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
