Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
