I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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