oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
