4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
youre lurking in front of me
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Your cock deserves a montage
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
