why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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