I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
