We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
