this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
