I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Found the puke drawer
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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