I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I need to stop coming to work sober
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
