I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
