I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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