girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
