Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
