so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
