I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
