Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
